Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
