i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
