I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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