he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize