I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
