I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
