Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
