shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
