census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
