end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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