I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
