so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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