Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you made out with another girl for some wings
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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