I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
