I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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