I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
