I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
