I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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