She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
