You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
