I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
