Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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