Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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