Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
