Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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