i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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