You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
