If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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