i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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