we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
