how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I smell like Dick and happiness
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
