my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
