Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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