Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
