hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My feet surprised me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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