Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
