I'm jealous of your bromance
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
