I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
