I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
