Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
