recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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