We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
