I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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