before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
