"it" just moved
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
