Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
