Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
