Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
