apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
