i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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