This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
