some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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