Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
