My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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