I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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