Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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