Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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