I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
