You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
