so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
