bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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