you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
