He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
