i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize