you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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