im drinking this country out of the recession.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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