$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize