if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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