literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
