she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
