Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
