she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
