Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
