They should really pass out barf bags in church
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize