Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
