Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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