Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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