im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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