Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
