Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
