Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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