i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
