My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
