She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
