You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
