And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
