Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
