We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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