Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
