Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
