when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
