I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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