remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
