He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
