i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
